Real Stories
Everyone’s situations are unique which is why welcome article submissions from our community that offer up advice to the community. If you’ve got a learning to share we’d love to hear from you, all stories are annonymous so you can keep your own discretion and still offer up support.
Things I’ve stopped saying since becoming a supporter
How to be more considerate with your langauge
Without meaning to I always used to put my foot in it by saying phrases or words that people who are struggling found upsetting. They are things that you hear growing up and you think are fine to say, but as I started supporting more people in my life with mental health issues, I’ve been asked to avoid using these sayings:
“Mental / Crazy / Insane”
2. “I’m so OCD”
3. “She’s a psycho”
4. “Made me want to kill myself”
5. “They’re bipolar”
6. “They went schitzo on me”
Your first reaction might be to get defensive if someone pulls you up for saying these things but it’s actually better if you pause and ask yourself why might this be upsetting them. I slip up from time to time, but showing the people around me that I was intentionally being more conscious with my language definitely showed them that I was taken what they were going through seriously and built better trust.
All our article submissions are anonymous to protect the privacy of the writer. For more support head to our Resource Hub
I started getting nightmares hearing other people’s trauma, here’s what helped
What helped me sleep
You often hear about the side effects that people experience when they’ve been affected by trauma, but you rarely hear about the side effects for carers.
In my case, I started getting nightmares as a result of hearing about my cousin being sexually assaulted. As well as finding what I heard difficult to process, I also felt that the topic kept popping up in every TV show I watched and I was struggling to disconnect myself from the trauma. I’d start watching a series with my flatmates and mid-way through a storyline that included a similar situation would appear, it felt like I couldn’t escape it even when I was trying to wind down.
Although I can’t anticipate what direction a TV show will take, I did decide to set some boundaries that helped reduce how frequently I got these nightmares:
Rewatch programs I knew the end to
A quick and simple way to feel more at ease before bed was watching shows I was familiar with or had previously watched before so there were no shock surprises that I’d struggle to shake off before bed.
2. Tell people you’re having nightmares
Sharing that you’re struggling with the people you live with can be a really helpful coping mechanism. If the people around you know, they are more likely to steer away from certain content that might make you feel uncomfortable or can be there to support you if it does happen.
3. Avoid talking about it close to bed
It sounds like an obvious suggestion, but avoiding speaking to people about the topic ahead of your sleep can help to reduce how much you think about it when dreaming. If you do start drifting into a nightmare and wake up, visualizing something positive that has no connection works for me.
These are just some things that helped me through the process but keep trying whatever works for you and if you’re still struggling I’d suggest getting medical advice.
All our article submissions are anonymous to protect the privacy of the writer. For more support head to our Resource Hub
The best advice I ever received when supporting someone through suicidal thoughts
The long road
No one can prepare you for the moment the person you care about tells you they don’t want to be in this world anymore. It’s one of the toughest things to hear and the hardest things to forget.
The first time my friend told me this, it was a shock to the system. Although I knew they’d struggled with trauma and depression, I didn’t know it was affecting them to this point. I’m not sure if it was my denial to accept what they were saying or my want for them to feel better, but I struggled with believing they truly felt this way. I hoped that it would go away and things would get better in a few weeks’ time. Me and my friends gathered around and reminded them of all the amazing things they had in their life to be around for.
We knew it might be a bumpy road ahead but the following months seemed to be better, there was more hope, optimism, and more positive interactions.
A year later, my friend started expressing the same emotions. Of course, it was difficult to stomach when it felt like we’d made so much progress. Again, I struggled to believe it was a real emotion, and insisted it was more of a cry for help. I vented this frustration to a friend and it was these words I’ll never forget:
“They might always feel like this every year”
Although it was tough to hear, it was the reality shock I needed. I had naively spent a year thinking that these emotions would go away and it was just a ‘phase’. But people who struggle with mental health issues and trauma, don’t have the luxury to click their fingers and say it can all go away, and neither did I. On reflection, rejecting this as a real emotion, was just me not wanting to accept that it could ever happen.
Rather than be shocked by hearing my friend confess they no longer want to be around, I’ve learned to expect that phone call each year. Weirdly having this approach makes me as a carer feel more in control because I’ve found a way to mentally prepare for it before they reach out for help.
Don’t get me wrong, it’s a hard thing to accept but fighting it can be even harder.
All our article submissions are anonymous to protect the privacy of the writer. For more support head to our Resource Hub