The best advice I ever received when supporting someone through suicidal thoughts
No one can prepare you for the moment the person you care about tells you they don’t want to be in this world anymore. It’s one of the toughest things to hear and the hardest things to forget.
The first time my friend told me this, it was a shock to the system. Although I knew they’d struggled with trauma and depression, I didn’t know it was affecting them to this point. I’m not sure if it was my denial to accept what they were saying or my want for them to feel better, but I struggled with believing they truly felt this way. I hoped that it would go away and things would get better in a few weeks’ time. Me and my friends gathered around and reminded them of all the amazing things they had in their life to be around for.
We knew it might be a bumpy road ahead but the following months seemed to be better, there was more hope, optimism, and more positive interactions.
A year later, my friend started expressing the same emotions. Of course, it was difficult to stomach when it felt like we’d made so much progress. Again, I struggled to believe it was a real emotion, and insisted it was more of a cry for help. I vented this frustration to a friend and it was these words I’ll never forget:
“They might always feel like this every year”
Although it was tough to hear, it was the reality shock I needed. I had naively spent a year thinking that these emotions would go away and it was just a ‘phase’. But people who struggle with mental health issues and trauma, don’t have the luxury to click their fingers and say it can all go away, and neither did I. On reflection, rejecting this as a real emotion, was just me not wanting to accept that it could ever happen.
Rather than be shocked by hearing my friend confess they no longer want to be around, I’ve learned to expect that phone call each year. Weirdly having this approach makes me as a carer feel more in control because I’ve found a way to mentally prepare for it before they reach out for help.
Don’t get me wrong, it’s a hard thing to accept but fighting it can be even harder.
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